{"id":299,"date":"2019-08-25T18:12:07","date_gmt":"2019-08-25T18:12:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/onyx23.net\/beats\/?p=299"},"modified":"2019-08-25T18:12:07","modified_gmt":"2019-08-25T18:12:07","slug":"the-truth-about-alien-visitation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/2019\/08\/25\/the-truth-about-alien-visitation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Truth About Alien Visitation"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>so you wanna know<br \/>\nwanna know why<br \/>\naliens haven&#8217;t<br \/>\nreally revealed<br \/>\nthemselves to us?<br \/>\nwell<br \/>\nthey are just<br \/>\ntoo fucking scared<br \/>\nthey watch our news<br \/>\nand see how we kill off<br \/>\none another<br \/>\nthey listen carefully<br \/>\nto our shitty pop music<br \/>\nand they hate the hell out of boy bands<br \/>\nread our porn<br \/>\nright down to the strangest<br \/>\nbarnyard bondage sheep pee fetish<br \/>\nand with their superior<br \/>\nintellect<br \/>\nSthey know<br \/>\nexactly what we will do<br \/>\ndress them up<br \/>\ntake them apart<br \/>\nanally probe them<br \/>\nwith the bizzarest<br \/>\nof earth&#8217;s kinkiest sex toys<br \/>\nand to think<br \/>\nif we got hold<br \/>\nof one of their so-called<br \/>\nflying saucers<br \/>\never see a zogmurian x23 cruiser<br \/>\nbreak the light barrier<br \/>\nnot to mention<br \/>\na fly by shooting<br \/>\nwith a guizormax fusion blaster<br \/>\nhell<br \/>\nI get chill bumps<br \/>\njust thinking about it<br \/>\nI don&#8217;t blame &#8217;em<br \/>\nfor not wanting to visit<br \/>\nthis trash ball garbage dump<br \/>\nwe call home<br \/>\nwith all the lawyers and politicians<br \/>\nmaking all the corrupt decisions<br \/>\nfor the honest man<br \/>\ndamn<br \/>\nI wish they were still in the business<br \/>\nof extraterrestrial kidnapping<br \/>\nbecause I would volunteer<br \/>\nto be victim numero uno<br \/>\nI&#8217;d rather have a subspace enema<br \/>\nthan get fucked over<br \/>\nagain by some dumb ass human<br \/>\nso beam me the hell up&#8230; please!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>so you wanna know wanna know why aliens haven&#8217;t really revealed themselves to us? well they are just too fucking scared they watch our news and see how we kill<a href=\"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/2019\/08\/25\/the-truth-about-alien-visitation\/\" class=\"more-link\"><span class=\"readmore\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\">The Truth About Alien Visitation<\/span><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-299","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-strange"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=299"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=299"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=299"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/onyx23.net\/inthebeat\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=299"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}