Results Not Typical

I don’t understand Slim-Fast
their commercials show & state
fat people losing weight
but the results aren’t typical
excuse me, but I thought the whole reason
for drinking Slim-Fast was to lose weight
come to think of it
that fine print finds its way
into a lot of commercials these days
take Jared and his army of obese friends
eating those Subway subs under 6 grams
of fat
so what the hell man
if losing weight by eating fat free subs
and drinking Slim-Fast isn’t typical
why should I even bother?
ya know, that shit taste like shit
so that’s why I stick with fries and whoppers
yeah, I know all about diet and exercise
not falling for those media lies
see I believe that no matter what I eat
or what I drink
nothing is going to help me lose weight
as long as I lounge around
inside my house, wearing yesterday’s underwear
and memorizing every question from Jeopardy reruns
I think as long as I keep running 3 miles a day
and playing hockey 2 times a week
I can live off bacon and beer
never gaining an unwanted ounce for the rest of my life
but legally I must warn you
about my bacon and beer diet plan
the results are not typical